Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself

Time goes by, people die, stuff happens.... that's my entry...

ok, maybe it's not. i just couldn't think of another way to start... Things are... well, blah, as always. Though not altogeather that bad. I'm seriously debating finding a second job (yes, I know its amazing enough that I can force myself to work one job, let alone two. It'd only be for a few months, till nov at the earliest, but prolly through the xmas season. Basically, I need money. I'm falling slightly behind on my credit card bill (I'm still hoping to skid by on the skin of my teeth and not pay any interest, but I might have to pay a little ). I' not all that worried about it, I should be cought up by the end of next month, but then there is the big Vegas/Cali trip Maeghan and I are going to go on. (A vacation which I feel I have both earned and need) I figured the cost of it to be aboooout $800, give or take.

With Maeghan still in school and barely scraping by herself, I don't expect her to contribute all that much to the total. I'm perfectly fine with that, I would rather see her money saved for school. That said, that gives me very little time to come up with a nice chunk of change. I figure if I can, for the most part, make ends meet with my job at S&S, then all the money from my second job will be able to go towards this trip and other expenses (namely my college app fee and subsequent money spent on the paperwork battle for independance). Anywho, I'll start looking tomorrow after work, or perhaps today... though I'll prolly collapse in a heap on my bed as soon as I get home, so it all depends on how long i nap for. I figure I'll put in for Blockbuster at nights, and then Faces is looking for part or full time people.... I honestly abhore the idea of working here for 5 hours and then turning around to cashier for 5 hours... but sacrafices will have to be made.... so I'm hoping to put an app in there for mornings (thought they might open too late for that) and evenings, unless they want to give me full time work, in which case I'll quit here and go there.

I realized lately part of the reason why I have been so down as of late. Besides the fact that I hate my job with a sick passion, I realized that all the good things that I had started this year off looking forward to have begun falling apart. For starters there was Amanda. I had really hoped, as the summer ended, that I'd be seeing more of her this year. And though I really didn't expect anything to magically happen... again... I had hoped that I'd at least be a common part of her life. I know I'm just being crazy and obsessive as always, still, I would be lying if I said that I hadn't been greatly looking forward to running with her every morning. And along those same line, the marathon she and i were supposed to do in less than a month now, has fallen through. We had been building up to it all summer long, and I was really amazed and proud at how much effort she had put into it. I don't know why, but I just really loved the idea of passing through the finish line with her after trudging through 26.2 miles of hell. But now that she's back in school, with both work and friends keeping her busy, she hasn't run at all (or hasn't told me if she has) and I thus haven't been able to motivate myself to run alone. So it looks like we won't be running after all... And then lastly there's this trip to Vegas. With such a big bill looming over my head, and Maegy's mom saying she can't afford to miss that much school (since she's missed a bit already, and we're only 2 months in) I just fear that'll fall apart as well.

So yeah... most or all of the wonderful things that I had been looking forward to this year have all gone to pieces it seems. And all I have to look forward to are more endless days at this job I can't stand (though hopefully it'll get better once these coupons go away) and a VERY long uphill battle with the financial aid office over my independance.... *sighs* On the plus side I have gained two things which make my year seem a little less dark. Saturday nights with Tim, Taurie and Maeghan. And a dandiful roomie whom I get along with suprisingly well.

Anywho, on to other news. Last night was the ussual sat. night madness. People came over and we chatted for a while. Maeg and Taurie told of the adventures of last sat's party (a party which I regret not being at, though I ultimately would have ruined it). Then Tyler had his first real alcoholic drink. Yes, yes, I know, i know, hold the gasps and looks of terror. I decided that I'd at least make the attempt to fit in, and not make everyone feel like they were wierd for drinking while I never did. I just went with simple stuff... a bottle of Smirnoff rasberry twist, followed by a bottle of the green apple twist... the rasberry was ok, though I could still taste the alcohol. The apple tasted better but had a much worse aftertaste, which conveniently became less noticeable by the time i finished the bottle... I hadn't eaten much, and I'm a lightweight who's never had alcohol, so I'm pretty sure the two bottle had a little effect on me, but for the most part I just felt somewhat lightheaded and really hot. My dad would claim that alcohol is an quired taste and what not, but i think once I finish off my six pack (over the course of a month or so =P) I'll go back to being alcohol free... I just didn't enjoy te sensation or the taste, and frankly, I'd rather spend my money on food. Anywho, that's the part of the night i know you all were most curious about... Other stuff happened, we went through a graveyard and checked out all the cool headstones. I got to spend a little time with Taurie's best friend Mandie, who thinks I'm creepy. Hopefully last night changed her mind a little bit... I honestly don't care if she likes me or not, but she's pretty interesting and I'd like to think we can at least get along. After that we went to taco bell... drove off without everyone else's food, and then I sat in the car, starving, while they ate. The night ended with a headache, sleepiness and nausia... but I'm pretty sure that had to do with car sickness and not alcohol...

Anywho, I've got a sh**ty week ahead of me... filled with job applying, college applying, and work as follows

Sun- 6:45-11:45
Mon- 6:45-12:45
Tue- 6:45-12:45
Wed- 6:45-12:45
Thu- 6:45-3:30
Fri- off (Thank the lord)
Sat- 6:45-12:45

Kill me now... please?